Sunday, March 22, 2009
Calling All Poets!
Although poetry is definitely a spoken art, we will also celebrate its visual beauty by posting one of your original poems here. You are free to choose any of the poems you are currently working on. Choose a poem that you'd like some feedback on, as everyone is required to comment on at least one poem. Thus, the requirements are this: 1. Post a poem & 2. Comment on someone else's poem (specific comments and questions regarding what you like, suggest, and questions you have). Feel free to post more than one poem and/or comment. This is simply a starting point. Post soon-inspire us! Shock us! Make us say "Hmmm..." *Remember: this blog does not accept cliches. Deep thoughts & philosophical musings clothed in assonance and alliteration are always welcome.
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"Everyday", the old man related to me,
"Everyday she strode past,
eyes clear and head high.
So unlike the others.
I always took lunch on the wall,
the one right outside my shop.
With a mouthful of sandwich, I called
'Hey miss, why such a hurry?
You got somewhere to be?'
'No,' she smiled.
'Just somebody.'"
The Magic Bullet
It grinds this, and it chops that
Fettucine Alfredo in the snip of a snap,
Onions grind, dont shed a tear,
When you have the Magic Bullet, there is no fear,
Frozen drinks, it does it all,
dont drink to many, or you will fall,
In the mood for salsa?
I dont want to make that,
But with the Magic Bullet, its so easy,
but always remember to put on the cap!
Torture
To be with you is torture
I can’t stand you anymore
You are spreading like a cancer
I can no longer ignore
Day and night, night and day
You are tearing through my insides
I’m done with the horseplay
Because our emotions collide
How to stop my agony
I’m not quite sure
I guess I’ll have to boldly
Find the impossible cure
By: Sarah Glick
sunset
clear blue Skies
calm cool Breeze
bright orange Sun
white swirling Clouds
hesitant Breeze
purpling Horizon
grey swirling Clouds
elongating Shadows
greying Horizon
dark steel Skies
infinite Shadows
shimmers of red Sun
Eve
Looking on into the distance
Standing there are two trees
Standing firm, with a purpose
Their design far greater than any others
Standing there, two trees
One gives life, the other forbidden
Their design far greater than the others
Catching her eye
One gives life, the other forbidden
The forbidden fruit surrounded by desire
Catching her eye
And the world of sin begins
Well, I guess I'll be the first to comment on a poem. And I've decided to comment on "Sunset" by Zach Morgan. :)
I really like the layout of the poem, and how each stanza is like a staircase effect, very creative. And the title of the poem simply tells the reader what the poem portrays. I Also think he did an awesome job with just keeping the lines and phrases simple to match the simplicity of the title, it just adds a greater effect in my opinion. There are also some excellent descriptive words involved. This poem is literally a moving painting to me, and I can see each stage of the sunset as it's described.
Spring
The sun is rising in the sky,
birds are chirping in the trees,
flowers are starting to bloom,
the leaves are blowing in the breeze.
Birds are chirping in the trees,
puddles are forming on the ground,
the leaves are blowing in the breeze,
children are playing in the rain.
Puddles are forming on the gound,
scents of spring are filling the air,
children are playing in the rain,
the sun is beginning to set.
I like Sarah's poem =]
I like how she writes about an emotion, one that may have an impact on our lives. She stands up and confronts "torture", expressing her own feelings about it.
Also, I like the end rhymes througout the poem. Even though not all of them rhyme perfectly, the last word of lines 1 and 3, and 2 and 4 are matched up.
Karen Karmol's poem "Spring" clearly demonstrates the actions related to the season. In her poem a reoccurring technique is used. Each stanza always has a subject acting with an object. "Birds are rising in the sky (2)" is one such example. The poem is also a pantoum but deviates at the end with almost a surprise. Her subject/object in the the second and fourth line of the third stanza change. These seem to make a connection back to the title and end on a different note. The poem is well written with specific deatails of the actions of spring. Everytime I read it, it appears to have a new underlying meaning. I like how it illustrates spring with actions of widespread subjects. It does not merely describe or show that spring is motionless, but it rather illustrates that the season is an action. I really like it for that reason.
As for my question Karen, I would like to ask why you went with the sun setting in the last line. Is it because spring does not last forever, that it activities have to end? Or is it that the children will lose their innocence in taking simple pleasures in the season at some point in their lives? This is what made the poem different for me every time I read it.
The Keeper
Because He trusts me- He told me.
Because He loves me- I keep IT hidden.
But IT slithers inside me like an anaconda,
Wrapping around my conscience and choking it with His words.
I try to be strong for Him-
But what He spoke taunts me- pokes me- begs me to set it free.
His words are sly and try to trick me-
They attempt to escape when holes in conversation allow.
Behind all my thoughts and words I hear His voice-
Laughing at me.
He knew I could never do it.
He knew from the moment His tongue let IT slip.
I can not look at Him-
He shoved this Monster in my possession-
Passed The Poison on to me.
He never loved me.
And His trust is worth lincolns.
I love Alicia’s poem. I like how it tells a simple story, but at the end it gives you so much to think about. I also like how none of the lines rhyme except lines nine and eleven. It gives the last line a much stronger impact.
Great job Zach in the poem "Sunset". Each time I read it I get something different out of it. The seamless transition from noon, mid afternoon, to night is brilliant. I noticed you have three stanzas but you only mention each word, like breeze, twice. Does this mean anything? I also love your word choice, like infinite, swirling, and elongating. Words like these easily paint a picture in my mind and that is what makes this poem fascinating.
!PANIC! Attack
A RAPID heartbeat pounding in my chest
My restless body is in DISTRESS
I feel like I'm in DANGER
Daily life is CHOCKED by my stress
a STIFLING surge
SHOOTING through all my veins
Extreme APRREHENSION
Lost all hope for REDEMPTION
A grave situation, thats DESPERATE at best...
Alicia, I don't know what your poem is titled, but I really like it. You are very talented ^_^. It's a simplistic poem, full of nostalgia...and...I dunno. I just love it. Great content and emotion. Very original!
You Can't Eat Money
The World is in ruins.
Landfills are filled to the brim with
the waste of materialism. The black
smog of greed fills the air, poisoning
what we breath. The giant nets of
gluttony rob our oceans of vital life.
The World is in shambles.
The skyscrapers of big money obscure the
horizon. the wastefulness of electricity veils our once twinkling stars. The
carelessness of big business poisons our land with pollutants.
The world is in ashes.
The voracity of corporations has
burned our once diverse rainforests.
Giant agribusinesses breed animals
so that they can later be consumed
by the ravenous people.
Soon...everything will be gone.
And maybe then people will
realize that while money feeds
greed...it is not nourishment.
I like your poem Zach. The title is very informing. I like the peaceful images it creates. Very relaxing, the opposite of my poem. I can see in my minds eye everything being described as you describe it. very nce. A+
The Lack of Snuggie
Turn up the heat
Turn in your sheet
Turning the station
Turns on a cold sensation
Adjust your blanket
once again
Adjust everything
just to grab a pen
Turning your back on this treasure
leaves you feeling cold weather
Turning on the lamp at night
because you did not recieve a book light.
Steve, your poem really works with the all caps words. I like how all the words that are capitalized are the ones that describe the different feelings in each line. It makes your poem stand out because you can see the intensity of the words as well as feel them.
My Knees
My knees are not perfect
A fall from a bike,
Left one scarred forever,
The scar large and white,
A hit in a soccer game,
A tendon torn and the end of my season,
Fast forward a few years to a soccer practice,
A tendon again, but only a pull
Missed two games, but finished the season,
Through all these injuries my knees still work
My knees get me where I need to go
They are not perfect, but what is?
Irreplaceable Life
Sunny skies
Smiling faces
Laughing people
Nice weather
Yummy food
Caring family
Great sales
Loving pets
Best friends
Good times
Wonderful God
Irreplaceable life
steve! i like your poem; you allow the reader to understand what you are/were or whoever the poem about is feeling and step into his or her shoes. you also add a lot of influence with your capitalization and the way you wrote the stanzas.
jenny!
your poem is just ridiculous. haha.
Steve I really liked your poem. It made the emotions that your expressed in your poem almost come to life.
Iridescence
this fluffy frame-
shelters from the world
of the asphyxiatingatmospheres
of the clouds
that clot out- Sun
on this fluffy frame-
Head, numbed of Happiness
Body, broken, and built
Heart, hearing (genuinely)
Soul, (at last) Satisfied
i look at the Picture,
on the wall
-of us-
and think-
these clouds
(those Iridescent Clouds)
are many
of My Suns.
I pick....Zach!
So I really dig the imagery in the poem, and my main suggestion might be to experiment with your poem structure to emphasize the description. For example, the word "elongating"
Because we live in the 21st century, we can screw with how the words appear, so elongating becomes..
"e l o n g a t i n g Shadows"
Or any variation of the above.
Just my tiny two cent piece.
I like encouraging people to experiment with the avant-garde. And that goes for everybody else as well.
The poem is simply gorgeous on its own. One thing that was really cool was the capitalization of the nouns, as well as how the nouns followed a pantuom format.
Very nice!
Forget it heart!
It has gone from our lives!
That sweet chocolate
that the angels contrived!
So melty and scrumptioius,
delectably milky;
t'were it a fabric
t'would cert'nly be silky.
Alas, that dear chapter
is finished and gone.
So forget it my heart
and we shall both move on.
i liked alicia's cuz its coo. merediths was good too cause it was quick and to the point. i wonder, corey, if "asphyxiatingatmospheres" is actually a word, or did you just make it up to make your poem sound intenser? jennys was also ver good. i think im the only one to see the deeper meaning behind it.
yumm Sunday night, more like Monday morning, haha.
Steve's poem: "!PANIC! Attack"
I like it. It seems to be calling out for help, like as if some one was hurt or in pain. I really enjoy the emphasis that is shot into the words in caps. It allows me to live the angst and pain portrayed here. I wanna write a song to it Steve, I really do.
The Water
Singin' songs of rainy days
While sailing a boat
Across an endless ocean
The ebb and flow of the waves
Create the perfect pulse:
A slow 6/8 time.
Spending time on the water
Myself and an acoustic bass
Plucking harmonies of life itself
Fingers slide, never wavering
Over water, wood, and soul
Endless Days and Endless Nights
I smile and sing
Wavering on the Horizon
The Edge of The World
Yet I keep on playing
And go on my way
Over Water, Wood, and Soul
Never Dying, Just...
Living
Never Forgetting, Just....
Remembering
To be myself, and to do what I do:
Live
For Life is Simple
Life Is Good
On The Water.
The instructor said
go home and write
a page tonight.
and let that page come out of you
then, it will be true
As I sit and think about this
I think about the truth
What do I know?
So naive and full of youth
How am I supposed to know
Of all the people dying
By the hands of our own soldiers
When I'm too far to hear crying
I don't know what I see
At seventeen years
In the eyes of starving children
Holding on to dreams and fears
There's no way I would know
What my text books got wrong
Christopher Columbus, Betsy Ross
The list is pretty long
I'm just a child
Who can't see with her eyes?
Elections
Based on gods, money, and lies
I'm to dense to understand
We've been fighting a war
In three days it will be six years
And America doesn't know what we're fighting for
Yes, a naive little child
That sure is me
I don't know anything
That I can't hear or see
This is my page for English B.
I love Stephanie's poem. It is a reminder that money is not so glamourous. People destroys for it's profit and they don't care about the land and resources. When first read, it seems like an H.G. Wells writing, but then you realize that it's in the present.
I like Sarah's poem too!
it's deep.
These days are the hardest,
Knowing you no longer care.
Knowing I'm still stuck on you,
That we're no longer us.
Knowing you no longer care,
I don't know where I am anymore.
That we're no longer us,
Makes me angry with each new day
I don't know where I am anymore.
Why can't we be us again? This
Makes me angry with each new day.
These days are the hardest.
I like Alicia's poem because its simplistic, yet it makes you think alot. And I just love the ending because its very open ended.
Jenny, You by far had the best poem. It made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Sure other people used metaphors, and all that other junk, but yours was right to the point, and after reading it, I decided to put "Snuggy" on my christmas list
I am so impressed with EVERY poem posted on this blog! It is difficult for me to choose a favorite... so I'm not going to. But I will say this:
As I read through all of them, I felt such an array of emotions that it's hard to put into words. Although I must say, I think I need to buy a Magic Bullet and a Snuggie (I wouldn't be surprised if these companies hired Michael and Jenny to help solicit their products!).
Sarah, Rachel, Stephanie, Chris, Nikki, and Tegan-- Whoa... what you wrote was so incredibly deep, I had to read some multiple times.
Steven--thanks for reminding me what a panic attack is like. I have not seen or heard a description that is more befitting than what you wrote.
I plan on commenting more on these poems after tomorrow. As for everyone I have not yet addressed, my next post is dedicated to you. :)
Ms. Smith
Let's try this again..
Stephanie:
Thank you for the kind words. :)
I really enjoyed your poem because it's the epitome of free verse. I also think that the subject matter is extremely fatalistic, but also very true. Good job.
Hofer:
You are master of rhyme, sir.
Sarah:
I really love the structure of all your poems. They always flow so well.
Zach:
I feel as if you have a wonderful mind for imagery. Your poems are always beautifully done and rich with ideas and pictures. I also loved the poem you chose for Ogden Nash, and I think I'll be looking into him. :)
Yup, I've run out of time.
I love all the poems, though.
Amazing job.
Why do you lie to me?
you exclude me from teams,
you exclude me from friends,
but you say you never do,
when in fact I can see it too.
Why say I need to tone up,
that I need to do sit-ups,
when you really mean fat,
and I know what you really think,
and it makes my confidence sink.
It hurts me when you lie to me.
Alicia, I really like you poem. It gave me confidence, like someone will notice me if I walk with my head held high. It was really nice to read, and I like a auroa of confidence that it conveys.
Dut, no that's not a word. Its two words pushed together. "asphyxiating" and "atmospheres"
Also, after reading your comment I went back to read Jenny's poem. I see the depth in it! OMG! The entire world is pretty much explained now. Well, except- how can I make a quick and easy breakfast by just chopping my hand?
Chris, why 6/8? So overdone. Debussy's "La Mer", check it out. Will make you wonder why 6/8 was picked in the first place as a "sea-time". The piece just totally blows away what you would think and replaces it with something AWESOME. (La Mer means "The Sea" in French)
Here are some things that I can’t stand—
the people I sometimes wish we’re banned
The girl who plays dumb for attention and
the boy who likes the act
The girl who argues with emotions and
doesn’t respect another’s beliefs
The man who inhales his cancer stick and
sends the toxins back in the air for me to breathe
The woman who assumes from looks and
judges before she gets to know
The man who claims he can’t change and
continues to hurt those he loves
The woman who acts as if everything is okay and
shields her eyes from the horrors of the world
But of all these people, the one I can’t stand the most—
The one who doesn’t believe in herself—
And yet that person is me.
I like Dut's poem! :]
I like how he used all the contractions in the poem and the older words that helped draw attention to different things in the poems!
summertime.
The sun, impossibly high in the sky,
Its rays beat down relentlessly on my skin.
As I contemplate how all these days have passed me by
I cannot recall where all this time has been.
The calming, cooling breeze
Carries the birdcalls all around,
Complimenting the rhythmic swaying of the trees,
Creating shifting shadows upon the ground
For a moment I choose to leave reality,
To relax my mind entirely,
To forget all responsibility;
The time drags on endlessly—
As the cicadas sing their song,
And the orange sun begins the descend,
Another day has passed along,
One more day has come to its end.
**while i like this poem i wrote, i had initially wanted to put my poem "Boredom is the Austere Clock", but i couldn't find it. maybe i will post it later or something.
Taylor: i really understood this poem, and the sad thing is thati know who it is referring to (or is it more than one person?). it's these kinds of people that bother me most: liars. this poem is very honest and conveys many emotions: anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment.
Alicia: i think this is my favorite. i agree with rachel, that the rhyme placement is perfect. this poem made me smile.
Dustin: as usual you made me laugh. this is great, too. i like your word choice, the archaic "t'were" and "t'wood".
Nikki: your poem has a lot of truth in it, describing the things we can't control. i also like the mocking of naivety at the end.
Hannah: i like yours, too. i remember when you read it, and you seemed reluctant to read it at first. but i'm glad you did. its funny how i can fit the same descriptions to people i know. it makes me want to tack descriptions on to people i know, too.
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